The Verdict

I went in on Wednesday for a blood test but due to a lack of communication between the lab and the clinic I did not get the results until Friday. It was torture.Wednesday evening I called the office and a scheduler just said "I will have them call you tomorrow with the results." Which I took as bad news and was immediately in a bad mood (to put it lightly) I was worried and thinking to myself of course I am not pregnant. Then at work on Thursday instead of letting me take a call they asked to take a message. I was livid. I hardly ever give out my work number and this was an important call. But, it turns out they were just calling to tell me they had no results and no response from the lab. So I called the lab, then the main office, then they transferred me to another department and they said they would fax over the results. It was a mess and it was closing time for the clinic. I had to wait until morning for the results. I didn't quite trust the first tests I took and I was dying to have some kind of clue so Thursday evening I took another home pregnancy test, just to see. This time the line was pretty strong. I was so happy, elated, joyful, and in a great mood. The best part was hearing my husband give thanks to our Heavenly Father during our family prayer that night and asking for a blessing of strength and health for me and the baby.

I had a second blood test on Friday and received the results today, Saturday. My first number was 86 which sounds a little low but is fine for such an early test. Then the second number was 243, definitely double! I am positively PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!

I Walk The Line

I just couldn't wait to take a pregnancy test. I was supposed to wait until Friday but did one Tuesday night instead. It is just too tempting when the words on the box say "test 5 days sooner" So I did, and hallelujah there was a very faint line. I literally jumped up and down with glee. Then I told my husband and asked if I should take another. We decided to wait until morning. I seriously had a hard time sleeping. I was waking every 45 minutes to check the clock. Finally at 5:45 I jumped out of bed and took a test to find another faint line. I still have reservations about it being true, it seems too easy (and by easy I mean spending just under $7,000 and only taking 2 1/2 years compared to spending over $20,000 and taking 5 years like last time). I called the clinic and had a blood test drawn and now I am waiting for the results.Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Sleepy

I am usually real tired for two days after an IUI but this is the sixth day I have felt desperate for a nap. Not just feeling like a nap would be nice, but feeling like I will fall asleep standing so I may as well give in and lay down for "quiet time."

Cross your fingers

So today was the day for another Superovulation IUI. I had all the usual symptoms but not as much bloating as last time. I really hope I don't have to go back to the fertility clinic ever again.

Day 10

Today at my ultrasound my lining was still thin, only 5.9 but I had four good follicles. The doctor asked if I was worried about twins.  I replied "No, one less pregnancy". He doesn't know that I have been sending subliminal messages to my body and mind that I WILL GET PREGNANT (with twins). Of course I would be so happy just to be pregnant and have one baby, but two babies would definitely be a bonus.

HCG shot tonight, hopefully for the last time.

That will be 230 dollars, please

Every time I go in for an ultrasound I pay $230. And with the superovulation I get to go in for at least three ultrasounds a cycle. Then the drugs cost a little over $300 and the actual procedure is another $350. It is expensive to do this month after month. I am broke and tired.

At my ultrasound today my lining was very very thin. They put me on estrogen for a few days while I do the gonal F shots to hopefully help it thicken up.  

I think after this cycle I may need a break, a real one.

Late

I was running late. Again. I know in my mind I am aware that it really takes 40 minutes to get to the doctors office but I didn't leave my house until 20 minutes before my appointment. Is it maybe a subconscious rebellion because I don't really want to be spending my time (or money) at the fertility clinic? And because I am late it takes even longer to be seen by the doctor. I don't blame him for that. But it means I am sitting in the freezing cold room for a long time while I again think to myself that I need to start bringing socks to wear. 

I am a having a lot more cramping today than usual. I am usually feeling much better on day 3 (aside from a headache) but today I feel as crampy and bloated and blah as if it is day 1. Of course I start to think of possible reasons why ... another cyst, an ectopic pregnancy... But really it's probably just another crappy day during my period and I am so sick of it. It's been one of those days when I knew I was being mean but didn't care. I had no patience with my little boy and patience is required to have a good day with a three year old especially in the middle of potty training. Thank goodness he was being a sweetheart. Somehow we both made it through. 

The news from the doctor is not going to help lift my mood. The ultrasound went fine; lining 3.5, five follicles on my left side and four on my right. But after checking my chart he said "So this is the third super-ovulation?" to which I replied "yes." He then went on to recommend that if it doesn't work this cycle that I should really consider Invitro. 

Ugh!

Negative

I have had a few days here and there of light cramping, but was still hopeful because I also had a few days of tenderness in my breasts. But a negative pregnancy test was the result so I stopped taking the progesterone pills and two and a half days later I started my cycle.

I am finding that even though I have wanted to be pregnant for a long time now, I recently have had serious baby bump envy. Everywhere I go I see cute pregnant women and long to have that pregnancy bump under my shirt. Right now I just have a fat bump I try to hide so no one asks if I am pregnant. I really have gained about five pounds in the last few months and it all seems to be settling in my stomach. I am blaming it on the hormones and injectable drugs.